I admit it! I spoil my daughter. Not with material things (as I have never been into material items) but I spoil her with love. I tried letting her cry it out to get her to sleep... Didn't last! I no longer rock her to sleep but I do go sit by her bed and hold her hand or rub her back until she falls asleep. I think it is a combo of how I was raised, my personality, Emma's personality and my education.
I grew up being raised by a mom that always put the needs of her children first. She rocked me to sleep until Lindsey was born, rocked Lindsey until Maeley was adopted and rocked Maeley until she got physically too big. I remember my mom laying with me in bed talking to me, singing, telling stories and cuddling. I loved these moments! As I grew up these moments were fewer but I still remember her coming into my room and talking with me at bed time. Those moments I knew my mom loved me and listened to me.
I am a very sensitive person. I hate having to see someone hurting or upset. Especially someone I love! When someone is hurting or sad I feel what they are. It breaks my heart to hear miss Emma cry. I am also a worrier an over thinker. I take blame for everything that happens. If you were to call me telling me you got in a car accident I would blame my self... No matter what the situation was. Anyway, I would be afraid that letting Emma just scream and scream would scar her for life and ruin our relationship and I want us to have the relationship that my mom and I always had...
Emma is me! She may look like her dad but she is 110% my personality... Mothers when you curse your children to have one just like you it will happen! And then your child's future husband has to live with the consequences... Sorry babe! So Emma is me... She is dramatic and overly sensitive. She is dainty and her feelings get hurt easy. Now when we have done "cry it out" she doesn't just cry for 45 min like the dr said she would... No she cries for 12 hours! And usually messes herself... She also chipped her front tooth (anther story for another day) while we were sleep training. I don't want Emma to ever feel neglected or alone (since she also hates being alone... Yet another very Hilary trait) I want her to know that her mommy and daddy love her and will do anything for her.
The last part is my schooling. I majored in Family Consumer an Human Development. Now never one did they say your kid will be forever traumatized and will not develop correctly if they cry it out. In fact drs tell you to do it. Yet in my classes we learned that at a young age infants develop trust or mistrust. How do they learn this? Their needs being met. In my mind that means because of mine and my daughter's personality cryin it out simply is not an option.
Now to the many moms that choose this... I am not judging you, in fact I respect you for doing what I can't. And in some ways writing this post is a way for me to reaffirm to myself that each parenting style is different and there isn't a wrong or a right way to do it as long as the child is loved.
I love our bed time routine and actually look forward to it. I recently went to work as a dental assistant being gone 4 days for most of the day (which is killing me but I am doing it to prepare to have another kid and to get to where I only need to work 1-2 days a week and ultimately get to be a stay at home mom again) wow I get so off tack! So back to what I was saying... I live for the quiet moments of watching her climb into bed, fold her arms, have me say a prayer then to have her kiss me and say night night mama then just snuggling as she falls asleep. So it's just as much for me as it is for her. Bed time is our moment and I want that time to be special especially when we have another baby in the mix. So there ya have it... I am a self-proclaimed spoiler!
