Child's prayer

Child's prayer has always been my favorite primary song. The message is so beautiful yet simple. "Pray he is there speak he is listening you are his child his love now surrounds you"

This weekend has given me two examples of the power of a prayer. And the first was given to me by my 2 year old daughter. After we said prayers and I was singing to her at night to get her to fall asleep she folded her arms and said "father bless mama, daddy, guh guh, papa, guh guh, papa, sissy (Lindsey), Patrick, Sophie, Bella, pebbles, alisa, Cody, Mae Mae, cj (maes friend), Sadie (maeleys other friend, michael(her boyfriend) and Abbie" then she said "my day" and told Heavenly Father in great detail everything she did that day including what she ate, where she went, what shows she watched, which toys she played with and who she saw. That was so touching that she realizes the importance of prayer and she spoke for her heart.

The other was about a prayer of mine being heard and answered. I have been trying to have a baby since September. I thought I would get pregnant immediately since we did with Emma. Here we are in January and yet another negative pregnancy test and a period trying to start. Brian has given me multiple blessings saying I will conceive and I will be blessed with a baby soon, yet it wasn't happening soon in my book. I was trying to have faith in The Lord and his timing today so I prayed expressing all my feelings and frustrations and that I wanted to have faith. Well tonight laying in bed with Emma I hear in almost audible words "mom I'm worth the wait". I believe that Heavenly Father let my baby speak to my spirit to keep my faith alive and to help me be patient. I am so grateful for that confirmation I received and that Heavenly Father loves me and does listen to my prayers. I am excite to meet my baby am know he/she will come soon enough.

Which is harder?

So being a mom is the hardest job ever right? It is the most rewarding job but it is also the most demanding. I have had the pleasure of being a mom for almost 2 years! For the 16 months of miss em's life I had the blessing of staying home. It was my dream job but it was hard... Now because of some financial situations I am back at work, working full time as a dental assistant. So which is harder... Being a stay at home mom or a working mom?

Being a stay at home mom had moments that made me feel down right sad! I was stuck at home all day with phone calls to my mom being the only adult interaction. I have always been a social person so this was something I struggled with. Don't get me wrong I loved being home with Emma watching her grow and not missing a single moment in her life. But it was lonely and the hours were long. Brian was working at a dealership and was gone way too much (I knew he was doing it for his girls so I tried to be positive and supportive) and miss Emma has never been a good sleeper (go back and read my post about spoiling) meaning I was up ALL day AND ALL night!

Now being a working mom I have 2 full time jobs. Emma and dental assisting. When she is teething (which she currently is) and up all might who is up all night with her? You guessed it... ME! (side note: Brian is a great hubby and father and does try to help but I can't sleep through crying anyway) then after very very little sleep I wake up bright and early to get me the hubs and baby all ready and out the door by 7:40 (my mom is a good lady and picks Emma up or else we would change that to 7) then I work usually 8.5 hours (depending on how busy we are) come home and pick right up on my mothering job.
Although I love the dentist office and the girls at work (I am making friends and having adult conversations!) it tears me apart to not be home with Emma. The only things holding me together are my husband who lets me vent to him then lovingly comforts me and knowing Emma is in the best hands possible... My mom!

So which is harder? Well I think it depends on the person. My mother in law enjoyed being a working mom so her answer would probably be different than mine but I would have to say being a working mom.

I hate thinking about leaving Emma and am so guilty, embarrassed and ashamed that I am working out of the home. Few people know I have this job and I guess this blog is a way for me to try to overcome my feelings of inadequacy. I am trying hard to bethe best I can be!

This isn't a forever thing and I am hoping and praying for the day I can return to the job I love most being a full time stay at home mom. I know I am doing what my family needs and we will be blessed. I know that heavenly father and Jesus Christ know how I feel and my needs... I know that trials make us strong and are for our good. I am trying to remain paoitive and faithful. I love my husband and daughter and I am so grateful forum dental assisting job but hands down... Nothing beats this job: being a mom!

Disneyland!

We just got back from taking our daughter to Disneyland for the first time. Brian and I are both obsessed with everything Disney and so it was only a matter of time before we introduced our daughter to the wonder of Disneyland.
We began planning our trip back in July and decided to go with my in-laws, Ben and Susan. We we so excited! We began watching all of the Disney vacation videos and introducing emma to as many Disney movies as possible. Before we left we had a short list of characters we HAD to meet for her, her favorites of course, Ariel, Rapunzel, Tinkerbell, Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Pluto and Goofy. She knew these characters and so we thought with her being stranger shy she would do the best with them. 

After driving ALL night Wednesday night (Emma did really well during the drive) We arrived! Driving to our hotel Emma anxiously pointed out EVERYTHING! "Hi Tree" "Hi Car" "Hi Disneyland" We got to the hotel at about 6:30 AM with check in not being until 3 PM we were crossing our fingers they would let us in early... and they did! So we went to our room, changed our clothes got our free hotel breakfast, loaded up backpacks and strollers and were on our way!

While we waited to get into California Adventure Emma sat quietly in the stroller watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on an ipod and my inlaws made friends with the people in front of us, exchanging game plans and past Disney vacation stories. When the gates opened we went straight for the rope drop trying to secure a good position to be in line for Radiator Springs Racers. Once the rope dropped we were escorted to cars line by none other than Lightning McQueen and Mater. Emma who was on daddy's shoulders got so excited yelling "mama cars!" "mama queen!" once to carsland we made it to the main attraction, Radiator Springs Racers and got a baby swap pass since miss em is nowhere near tall enough to ride. While Brian and his Parents waited in the 45 min line Emma and I got to walk around and enjoy Carsland (it is incredible) and ride her first ever Disney ride, Mater's Junkyard Jamboree!

 After enjoying the ride we went to the cars meet and greet. Where McQueen was meeting people...

 Emma made friends with this cute little boy in line and the two of them discussed water and cars...

 By the time we got through the line Mater was meeting guests. Emma was so excited until it was her turn and he started talking to her... then she got scared.

After Brian and his parents got off the ride we swapped and Brian and I got a chance to ride with out waiting. That ride was amazing! The attention to detail was spectacular! I loved it... but that was the only time we got to ride... since well as amazing as it was it was not worth the HOURS wait and fast passes were instantly gone.

We spent the rest of the day enjoying california adventure. Emma loved King Triton's carousel and The Little Mermaid ride. She loved the mermaid ride so much as soon as we got off she ran under the chain got back in line and said, "Mermaid again!"

We went to the Playhouse Disney: Live on Stage show while my in laws went to the Aladdin show. We were very impressed. This show was 100% at Emma's Level. Emma's favorite show is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and the show centered around that show. She loved singing and dancing with her fav. characters. They also changed things up with bubbles and streamers and the short show was perfect for little attention spans! If you take small children I 100% recommend you take the time to go to this show!

We continued to ride swap with my in laws and do things for emma. She was in heaven being at Disneyland. While my in laws were riding soarin we spotted Em's favorite Disney Pup, Pluto! and naturally had to stop and meet him! Emma loved him and kept petting him like a real puppy.

 That night we enjoyed "World of Color" Emma was so excited! She loved the colored water, the mermaid scenes and the balloons from up! I will never forget her joy as she saw the balloons! She was clapping and laughing and everyone around us couldn't help but smile and laugh with her.

The next day we went to Disneyland. The park was supposed to open at 8 with Disneyland hotel guests able to get in at 7. Since we stayed off property we were hoping to be in the front of the line for rope drop at 8. When The gates open at 7:30 we walked to the rope where a cast member said, "Don't go there it's blocked off and led us to tomorrowland, a half hour early. We swapped off emma for Space Mountain. By the time Brian and I got to the ride we were the only ones on our train. After the ride ended noone was in line and Brian chanted, "one more time" so we rode again, with out getting off. They offered us to ride a third time but my in laws had emma so we opted out. We got emma and headed to fantasy land where we rode Dumbo. Emma wanted purple... and loved that flying elephant! Then we rode peter Pan, with no wait! An unheard of thing for that ride.

 By booking with Cody we got into ToonTown an hour  early for Morning Madness! This was the best time we ever had in toontown! There were maybe 30 people there and we were able to meet the characters with no wait or crowds! There was also a cute little show and we all became honorary citizens of toontown!

 Emma loved meeting Donald, the two of them blew constant kisses at eachother, gave knuckles and held hands. It was too adorable! This was brian's most favorite memory from the trip!

 After Toontown we saw that Ariel (Emma's most favorite princess) was at the princess meet and greet so we waited in line... Emma was so excited! She kept yelling at Brian saying "let go" trying to go get mermaid. As soon as it was her turn she got shy. but after a min or so she warmed up to the mermaid. We also met Mulan and Tiana... who she really could have cared less about.

 Later that day we rode haunted mansion where one of Emma's flip flops fell out of our doombuggy and was gone. So her and daddy picked out her minnie shoes that she loved!

 Emma loved every ride she went on and the teacups were no exception!

Emma wanted to go in here so bad and was mad it was stuck!

 Disneyland closed early that day for the halloween party and on our way back to the hotel this is what the line looked like to get into California Adventure at 6:43 PM!!!!

The next day was our last day at disneyland! We started off by using our Extra Magic hours getting into the park at 7 AM, meaning we were up and ready to go much earlier than that. Since the park wasn't open to the public yet we weren't on a full "flight" on star tours. Now ever since we rode the new star tours last november Brian has been dying to be the rebel spy. We were talking to the people in front of us about this. As the ride started and they showed the rebel spy  I saw a picture of Brian. Both of us started cheering as well as the cute British family in front of us! as soon as the ride ended he bought him self an "I am the Rebel Spy Shirt." Later that day we rode again... and this time I was the rebel spy... despite Brian begging me to buy a shirt I didn't...

 This day we wanted to be more mellow and more about emma... We evern rode Small world for the 2nd time that trip (Brian hates that ride so that is saying something!)

 We met Tink and Merida (From Brave). The Merida meet and greet was a blast! Emma showed her her fruit snacks and told her she was eating them and Merida said "Don't let my brothers see they will try to eat them" and then the bears in the back started sniffing around. AS we were leaving Emma and I waved at the bears and they giggled. So fun!

 Brian was a good dad and waited in the long Tangled line while I took Emma to meet Peter and ride some rides. She loved meeting "tang"

 After a while we hopped on over to California Adventure and rode Mermaid 3 times in a row! and visted the bugs land.

 We then decided to go back and swim for a while.

 Emma loved being in the pool with daddy! She even learned to hold her breath under water which gave me a heart attack!

That evening we went back to Disneyland Where we enjoed a dole whip and went to the tiki room! Emma loved the tiki room and sang along with the birdies"Tweet Tweet Tweet Tweet" and when it was real quiet she sings very loudly "LA LA LA" Then we rode Pirates and emma said "wee" down the drops and sang along, "Yo Ho"

She fell asleep during the fireworks and stayed asleep during Fantasmic... on our way out of the park I looked at her foot and noticed she lost a flip flop.

During our trip we lost: Brian's sunglasses (Prescription) 2 pairs of emma's flip flops, and my mickey ears....

The next day Emma cried that we didn't get in the stroller and go across the street to Disneyland... and I did too! It was the best trip to disneyland ever! Sure we didn't ride everything that we normally would have and we spent way more time in fantasyland and toontown than Brian has ever spent but it was amazing! We got to see the magic through our daughter's eyes! Some say we are crazy for taking an almost 2 year old to Disneyland... but it was worth it! I would do it again tomorrow if we had the funds!

Spoiler Alert!

I admit it! I spoil my daughter. Not with material things (as I have never been into material items) but I spoil her with love. I tried letting her cry it out to get her to sleep... Didn't last! I no longer rock her to sleep but I do go sit by her bed and hold her hand or rub her back until she falls asleep. I think it is a combo of how I was raised, my personality, Emma's personality and my education.
I grew up being raised by a mom that always put the needs of her children first. She rocked me to sleep until Lindsey was born, rocked Lindsey until Maeley was adopted and rocked Maeley until she got physically too big. I remember my mom laying with me in bed talking to me, singing, telling stories and cuddling. I loved these moments! As I grew up these moments were fewer but I still remember her coming into my room and talking with me at bed time. Those moments I knew my mom loved me and listened to me.
I am a very sensitive person. I hate having to see someone hurting or upset. Especially someone I love! When someone is hurting or sad I feel what they are. It breaks my heart to hear miss Emma cry. I am also a worrier an over thinker. I take blame for everything that happens. If you were to call me telling me you got in a car accident I would blame my self... No matter what the situation was. Anyway, I would be afraid that letting Emma just scream and scream would scar her for life and ruin our relationship and I want us to have the relationship that my mom and I always had...
Emma is me! She may look like her dad but she is 110% my personality... Mothers when you curse your children to have one just like you it will happen! And then your child's future husband has to live with the consequences... Sorry babe! So Emma is me... She is dramatic and overly sensitive. She is dainty and her feelings get hurt easy. Now when we have done "cry it out" she doesn't just cry for 45 min like the dr said she would... No she cries for 12 hours! And usually messes herself... She also chipped her front tooth (anther story for another day) while we were sleep training. I don't want Emma to ever feel neglected or alone (since she also hates being alone... Yet another very Hilary trait) I want her to know that her mommy and daddy love her and will do anything for her.
The last part is my schooling. I majored in Family Consumer an Human Development. Now never one did they say your kid will be forever traumatized and will not develop correctly if they cry it out. In fact drs tell you to do it. Yet in my classes we learned that at a young age infants develop trust or mistrust. How do they learn this? Their needs being met. In my mind that means because of mine and my daughter's personality cryin it out simply is not an option.
Now to the many moms that choose this... I am not judging you, in fact I respect you for doing what I can't. And in some ways writing this post is a way for me to reaffirm to myself that each parenting style is different and there isn't a wrong or a right way to do it as long as the child is loved.
I love our bed time routine and actually look forward to it. I recently went to work as a dental assistant being gone 4 days for most of the day (which is killing me but I am doing it to prepare to have another kid and to get to where I only need to work 1-2 days a week and ultimately get to be a stay at home mom again) wow I get so off tack! So back to what I was saying... I live for the quiet moments of watching her climb into bed, fold her arms, have me say a prayer then to have her kiss me and say night night mama then just snuggling as she falls asleep. So it's just as much for me as it is for her. Bed time is our moment and I want that time to be special especially when we have another baby in the mix. So there ya have it... I am a self-proclaimed spoiler!

Brian

I am so grateful to be married to Brian! He is such a good husband and father. Here are some reasons I am so grateful for him and love him:
-he holds the priesthood and is willing to use it
-he believes in me
-he supports me and gives me strength
-he works hard to take care of his family.
-he sings Emma to sleep
-he plays games with Emma
-he is the best snuggle buddy
-has faith in our loving Heavenly Father
-helps around the house
-makes me laugh... Every day
- makes me feel beautiful
-knows when I am in need of a pick me up and surprises me with one
-knows what to say to make me feel better
-loves Disney
-dreams big

These are just a few of the many reasons! I am just so in love! That's all :)

Thoughts from an emotional mom

So I haven't written in two years... And honestly I am slightly disappointed. I have always been one to compare myself... I have never been the most confident of people and never feel good enough. I see my friends have these amazing blogs sharing stories and pictures from their family and I feel like I am not interesting enough. I want so badly to be one of those moms... You know the ones who blogs I may or may not stalk where everything seems so perfect... Their house is spotless, their kids sleep through the night, dinner is always ready for their husband (and it's more than just a bowl of Mac and cheese), they don't struggle financially and everything seems so perfect! I know their life isn't perfect but from the view they are giving this outsider looking in it sure seems that way...

Lately I have been sooo baby hungry! I long to have another baby so bad! I love being pregnant and feeling the baby inside of me. I want Emma to have a little brother or sister. I want to be a mom... A mom to more than one kid. Brian and I talk about this almost daily (which frustrates him) he says now isn't time... He is just getting established in his new job and a few months ago I graduated from a dental assisting program and am looking for a job... If I found a job soon and we got pregnant in the fall by the time the baby came I would have a year experience before the baby was born.
Well I am on the pill (which is not my favorite but I had to get the iud out due to cysts) one day I got every pregnancy symptom hard. At first I thought it was just the pill but everyone put ideas in my head that I was pregnant so I got my hopes up. When my period started I was so upset. I cried and cried. It doesn't help that everyone I know is pregnant and my two friends who both have daughters Emma's age are expecting their second child.
Then I realized how selfish I was! I have a beautiful family... My daughter was not only healthy but smart, beautiful, loving, funny, and perfect! How did I get to this point? A few things helped:
The first was reading an inspirational memoir called, "Heaven is Here". I highly recommend everyone read this book! She went through difficult trials and kept faith and tried to stay positive. A quote that touched me was "Life wasn't perfect but even with its flaws it was wonderful."
My life isn't perfect, I can't stay home with my baby, I am not pregnant with our second, our house isn't the cleanest, money is tight, emma doesn't sleep and our baby has a chipped tooth yet my life is pretty wonderful!
The second thing that helped was reading my friend's blog about her trying for years to have a baby but not being able to and her struggles with infertility. I may not be pregnant now but I was able to get pregnant with Emma. I alway said my ovaries were selfish with not Releasing eggs and making huge painful cysts instead but I have realized they are really just stubborn. I am grateful I had my baby.
The last thing was reading my best friend's little sister's blog... She lost her baby girl at 21 weeks due to a rare chromosome imbalance. She was induced knowing she was going to give birth to her already dead baby. Her faith is incredible and my heart breaks for her. I am so grateful that my daughter was born healthy (minus needing to be under billi lights a few days and reflux) but I got to hear her laugh, cry and coo. I got to feed her, rock her to sleep and raise her.

So I maybe so baby hungry but I need to just count my blessings. Life is hard. Life isn't perfect. Life isn't what I would have wanted it to be. But life is wonderful and beautiful!

"When we encounter challenges and problems in our lives, it is often difficult for us to focus on our blessings. However, if we reach deep enough and look hard enough, we will be able to feel and recognize just how much we have been given." - Thomas S. Monson

meet us...

So after we got married everyone, and I mean everyone asked us when we were going to get a blog. I kept thinking my life is not that interesting. People would fall asleep reading about my life. I know this because I fall asleep living my life. :) Anyway. Brian is being a good kid and studying, leaving his wife bored so what do I do? Start a blog. So bear with me. 

We have been married almost 4 months now and it is amazing! I love it. Yes sometimes it's hard and you do lose your friends (suddenly the single people no longer think you are cool... maybe one reason is you are asleep by 10:30, their party time) and being married is just hard. but so worth it. I love being married to Brian.

So our lives in the past 4 months. Not only do I only have 1 roommate (who is a boy) I never have to say goodbye for the night, and my name changed. (sometimes I still sign my maiden name...oops!)  but we have 2 new additions to our family and one on the way.

This is Chancho, the chinchilla, addition number 1. We got Chancho about a month after being married. He is so soft and funny! We love him to death. His favorite past times include: running on his wheel, eating apples, taking dust baths, and showing his love to a stuffed animal. 

Meet Annie, The Basset Hound. We got her about 3-4 weeks ago. She is a a total sweetheart. In fact, has a perfect heart on her bum. She is so cute and loving. But a HUGE fatty. We are working on having her shed some pounds. Brian found her on KSL and his poor heart melted and he had to have her and save her from the animal shelter. So she is our pretty girl. She is definitely a daddy's girl and loves Brian, she gets so upset when he leaves. She loves to sleep. 

and the final future addition....

BABY BOOTH! We are so excited for this one. We have both always wanted to be parents and so this is so exciting. We know it's a little soon but we know it's right. We are due Oct. 16 and can't wait. We will find out if it's Jordan Brian or Emma Lynn (those names are copy writed and only for my use lol) on May 26. Baby Booth is it's name for now. the little rugrat is slowing down on making mommy sick (which I am so happy and thankful for) but is speeding up on making me big. I am 13.5 weeks along and am showing a bit. I don't fit in any of my pre-pregnancy pants... good thing they have belly bands! Some people think it's twins, but it's not... unless one is a pro hide and seeker, I am just really short and tiny and so the baby has no where to go... but out. :) I am so excited to be a mom. And I know that Brian will be an awesome father. 

As a quick update for us. Brian is going to school and working hard at it. He will graduate in Dec. and then we are out of Logan (hopefully) I am working full time (and not loving it... good thing I have made friends to keep me happy and entertained) and have been called as the mia maid advisor in our ward. So life is great for us. Hope I didn't bore you too bad.